Saturday, August 19, 2006

International Strip Poker Championship?!

Wow, if I'd known such a thing existed - you can bet I'd be praticing a lot more than I have been.

Though after examing the above picture a bit more, it looks like I'd probably end up accidentally sword fighting. And I'm sure such things are frowned upon at a serious event like the Strip Poker Championship.

Complete story here.

A**hole Road Rages on Horseback Riding Mom & Daughter

I think even Tom Cruise would agree to put this nutjob on medication.

A mother and her young daughter were riding their horses when they became victims of a bizarre road-rage attack.

On Wednesday, the two were strolling down a road near their Barrington home. Michelle Scannel said a teen driving his truck was coming by them quickly, and she motioned him to slow down.

"He jumps out of his tuck and starts digging around in the back," said Scannel. "I thought he was going to get a gun. He just looked so crazy, grabs an oar and goes after her with it."

"I was scared, and I thought I was going to die," said 7-year-old Brianna.

Brianna and her mother began screaming. Several people in the area heard the ruckus and ran to help. One of those people, Milton Smith, 57, tried holding the teen back. Scannel said that's when the teen grabbed a knife.

"One man got stabbed three times, and he got stabbed right over his eye," said Brianna.Police came moments later and took the male juvenile into custody. Scannel said her daughter is having trouble dealing with what she witnessed.

Really? I'm having trouble dealing with it and I only read about it.

VW & Playboy - a Marketing Match Made in Heaven

Now this is brilliant marketing.

Volkswagen and Playboy have combined two (well, technically 4) of my favorite things to create one very cool ad.

I'm a big fan of German auto makers. I'm also a big fan of hot chicks. Especially the 3 hot chicks seen in this pic. They're a part of the best show on TV right now - E!'s Girls Next Door. A reality show which follows the lives of Hef's 3 live-in girlfriends Kendra, Holly and Bridget.

And for the first time in Playboy history, they shot a front AND back cover for the new September issue. But what's even cooler about this front and back cover is how those clever MF'ers digitally created a VW Rabbit logo tattoo and placed it on the small of Holly's back. GENIUS! Add the tattoo to the headline at the top of the back cover and you've got BRILLIANT!

For more on VW's new Rabbit, click here
And for more on Kendra, click here.
Holly - here
Bridget here :)

* UPDATE - Holly actually has a Playboy bunny logo on her back. So maybe she gave the marketing folks some inspiration for this slick ad.

Friday, August 18, 2006

KFC Robber Plays Chicken With and Loses to Customer With Gun

See what I did there? Plays chicken with.. KFC customer... ah nevermind.

Some dummy thought he could rob a KFC with a screwdriver.
Unlucky for him, another customer pulled out something the robber should've used - a gun. That was all the robber needed to see as he was held until police arrived.

Today's WTF news - Former Football Player Targeted by Jewish Mafia? UPDATE 1

Poor Maurice Clarett. It seems like just yesterday he was the best running back in college football. He helped Ohio State University win a national championship and was on his way to the NFL where he would make millions of dollars.

Oooh how things have since gone wrong for the young man.

I won't get into all of the stupid things he's done to completely ruin his life, but I will post news from today which suggests Clarett's life has been in danger because of ties to a Jewish Mafia. Yes, you read that right.

From the article -

Clarett's attorney said Thursday that his client may have been in possession of firearms last week to protect himself against mob activity.

Clarett's attorney, Nick Mango, said Thursday that Clarett has repeatedly received death threats over the past year but that a cryptic postcard sent from Los Angeles last week has him wondering about Clarett's ties to an alleged mob enforcer.

In the late summer of 2004, ESPN has learned, Clarett traveled to Los Angeles and was introduced by a rapper friend to Hai Waknine, 35, a convicted felon who federal prosecutors believe is a member of an Israeli crime organization called The Jerusalem Group. Waknine, who at the time was facing a federal indictment on extortion and money-laundering charges, became Clarett's sponsor and adviser, along with Waknine's attorney, David Kenner. Waknine provided Clarett with cash, a BMW, bodyguards, drivers and beachfront lodging in Malibu, Calif., with the understanding that he would be reimbursed and receive 60 percent of Clarett's rookie contract.

But when Clarett was released by the Denver Broncos in August 2005, he was unable to pay Waknine back, and ESPN has learned that Waknine eventually cut off Clarett financially. Clarett moved back to his hometown of Youngstown, Ohio, that fall.

After Clarett was arrested last week, allegedly wearing a bulletproof vest and possessing four guns and a hatchet, Clarett's attorneys say they received an anonymous phone call alerting them to Clarett's ties to Waknine. They grew more suspicious when they received the threatening postcard this week.

Mango said he is concerned that postcard, sent to his law office in Columbus, Ohio, may have come from Waknine.

There's too much unintentional comedy here to break down, but I'm sure you get most of it...

UPDATE - Maurice Clarett will spend at least 3 1/2 years in jail after agreeing to a plea bargain today in Columbus, OH. Read the details here.

Friday's Motivation

F*ck the iPod - Much Better Alternatives Available!

For those in the market for a new MP3 player and think that Apple is the only (and best) game in town. Think again.

For years, Apple has lead the general public to believe they're the cream of the crop when it comes to portable audio and that, my friends, truly isn't the case.

There are tons of better AND cheaper options now available which offer even more features than the iPod.

The latest and greatest comes from Archos. A company I've always been a fan of since purchasing one of their portable audio/video players a few years back.

The reason I mention Archos' new "104" series of MP3 players is because of the storage size and it's price. This thing holds 4GB worth of music (2,500+ songs) for just $150. In comparison - Apple's 4GB iPod Nano costs $249.

This is just one example of a good portable audio player for the price. Another I would recommend is the new Sandisk line of players which come in 1, 2 and 4GB flavors and also have built-in FM tuners.

So my advice - shop around before going with the overpriced iPod. And yes, I'm a little bitter since both my $300 iPod and my brother's iPod's hard drive took a dump on us after the 1-year warranty expired. So I stick by my claim that they are overpriced pieces of shit. Hooray for competition!

Even in July, Kate Hudson was trying to tell us she's a cheating bitch

So I'm watching Jay Leno's Tonight Show and it's a repeat. Kate Hudson is one of the guests. I stay tuned in out of curiousity. Curious to see how she'd react to questions about Owen Wilson... you know, since they're banging and all. And it was more than obvious she felt a bit uncomfortable answering questions about Owen that didn't involve the movie they filmed together. But one interesting part was when Leno brought up the World Cup - Hudson blurted out that she "goes to Owen's house for soccer matches". Really? Now I hate to stereotype, but Kate Hudson's husband doesn't seem like the athletic type who would partake in such athletic competitions. So call it a hunch, but I'm willing to bet little Miss Cheater Cheater Pumpkin Eater was at Mr. Wilson's house by herself.

Damnit I should've went to detective school.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Justin Timberlake takes a giant dump on Taylor Hicks

"The guy who won - people think he looks so normal, and he's so sweet, and he's so earnest, but he can't carry a tune in a bucket..."

"If he has any skeletons whatsoever; if, God forbid, he's gay, and all these people in Mississippi who voted for him are like, 'Oh, my God, I voted for a queer!' It's just too much pressure." - just a few quotes taken from a recent Fashion Rocks magazine interview with Justin Timberlake, whose new album is due to be released in September.

The "I See Dead People" kid might be seeing jail time

That cute little fucker on the left grew up to be just like every other child actor. An alcoholic, drug using train wreck.

Sixth Sense star Haley Joel Osment has been charged with driving under the influence of alcohol (.16 blood-alcohol conent *YIKES!*), being under the age of 21 and driving with a .05 percent blood alcohol content AND possession of that brain-killing drug known as marijuana.

On July 20th, Osment was completely hammered and drove his shitty '95 Saturn through a mailbox then flipped the car onto its roof.

The actor is scheduled to be arraigned on Sept. 19. The D.A.'s office is asking for bail to be set at $15,000. If convicted, Osment faces up to six months in county jail... but since it's his first offense (and because he was such a cute little bastard in The Sixth Sense), he will likely receive a probation before judgement ruling which will likely involve fines, a year or two of piss tests and alcohol counseling.

It costs more to be 34 years old than any other age

Well it looks like in 4 more years, I'm fucked.

According to a survey, being 34 years old is the most costly age.

With babies, house, cars, etc. - I can see how that makes sense.

And to think I was beginning to see light at the end of the tunnel.

Where's a noose when you need one?

Female Canadian downhill mountain biking champ is a dude?

This is pretty funny.

Michelle Dumaresq, the person in the middle of this picture, has won the Women's Canadian Downhill Mountain Biking championship 3 years in a row now.

The woman on the left, Danika Schroeter, finished 2nd.

Danika felt like she got cheated a bit because, well... Michelle (the 3-time champ) used to be a dude. And during the ending ceremonies, Danika's boyfriend ran up to the podium and gave his 2nd place girlfriend a shirt which read "100% pure Woman Champ" (click pic to enlarge and read)

As great as this story is, it unfortunately has a crappy ending. Because of Danika's t-shirt fun, the Canadian Cycling Association suspended her for 3 months. Small price to pay for a priceless dig.

Creepy guy in custody for JonBenet murder could be delusional... and innocent?

Since taking this nutjob into custody - it's looking more and more like this guy might have nothing to do with the murder of JonBenet Ramsey 10 years ago.

"This is either the break that we have all been waiting for, or the biggest hoax that's ever been perpetrated in the JonBenet Ramsey case, a case that has had its share of wacky people involved in it" says one legal analyst familiar with the case.

The suspect says he drugged JonBenet and that her death was a kidnapping gone wrong. That her death was an accident and he loved JonBenet.

There's only one problem with this story - there JonBenet's autopsy showed no drugs in her system!

"His father says this is a young man who became obsessed with the case and wrote about it for a college paper. That sets the stage for a potential defense that [Karr] didn't commit the crime, he's just obsessed with it."

Seems to me like he became so obsessed with it, that he fantasized about being a part of it and eventually convinced himself that he murdered JonBenet!

For the Benet family's sake, let's hope that's not the case and evidence finds this guy guilty. But even if he's not, from the pictures I've seen of this guy - can we somehow find a way to at least castrate him?

Tell me this guy doesn't remind you of Robert Patrick in Terminator 2 !

Dummy arrested for 226th time in the same town

Some dumb ass named Kevin Holder was recently arrested by Lincoln, Nebraska police for the 226th time.

He was chased down by cops after they noticed him carrying "burglar tools". Which begs the question - WTF are burglar tools? A blowtorch? Hacksaw? Someone please explain this to me.

Holder's convictions include criminal mischief, marijuana possession, violation of protection order, assault, resisting arrest, assault on an officer, possession of cocaine. Many were misdemeanors, but he also has been sentenced to at least three prison terms for felonies, including a four-year stretch starting in 1996.

The craziest part of the story is that he's not even the most arrested person in Lincoln. He's #40 on their most-arrested list!

Is Lincoln, Nebraska THAT hurting for jail space that they can't just leave this retard in jail until he dies? It would definitely save these cops a lot of work. Just an idea.

You can read the full story here

Funny Freakin Image of the Day

Click to enlarge

'Hybrid Mutant' Animal Thing Found Dead in Maine

This strange looking beast was found dead on the side of a road in Maine over this past weekend.

Which is kind of sad because maybe if he would've stuck around longer, scientists could have used some DNA from the creature to create a female. They could have later mated and made many, many more of these kick ass looking animals.

This creature was a sort of urban legend for decades and only a few have actually seen it until now. "It was evil, evil looking. And it had a horrible stench I will never forget," a resident told a local newspaper. "We locked eyes for a few seconds and then it took off. I've lived in Maine my whole life and I've never seen anything like it." For the past 15 years, residents across Androscoggin County have reported seeing and hearing a mysterious animal with chilling monstrous cries and eyes that glow in the night.

Tell me that doesn't sound bad ass?

The only downer was that this thing enjoyed killing dogs. The animal has been blamed for attacking and killing a Doberman pinscher and a Rottweiler the past couple of years. So it was only fitting it died while chasing a freakin cat (hit by a car was the cause of death)

Full story here

Creepy guy admits to killing JonBenet Ramsey

The big news story today is that a man who's been hiding out in Thailand, has been arrested and has confessed to killing JonBenet Ramsey 10 years ago.

"I was with JonBenet when she died," suspect John Mark Karr, 41, told reporters in Bangkok. "I loved JonBenet, and she died accidentally."

She died accidentally? Well in that case, it's cool man!
But my question is - how did you accidentally get into the Ramsey's basement that night?

Of course no big shocker that he's been living in Thailand. Lord only knows what he's been doing there for the past 10 years. Did I mention this crazy bastard was a teacher?

Anyway, I'm sure most of us feel like total douchebags for thinking the parents had something to do with their daughter's murder this whole time. I even remember saying to myself, after JonBenet's mother Patsy died a few months ago from cancer, "Good! Bitch got what she deserved!" I'm obviously going to hell.

The complete story of this insane child toucher here

P.S. - What is it with psychopaths and three names? (Mark David Chapman, John Wilkes Booth, Lee Harvey Oswald, etc.)

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Bush and Condi - making the sex?

This week, The Globe says good 'ol G-Dub and Condi Rice have been hiding an affair for some time. On top of that, First Lady Laura Bush has been rumored to have left Georgie at the White House and has stayed overnight at a D.C. hotel!

If true, Kanye West was wrong.
George Bush LOVES black people!


Hot summer days + grill = me hooking up shit like this

My first burger on the grill since enjoying my new deck. Sure it's not exciting to anyone else but me, but you can't tell me that doesn't look damn good.

And yes, the burger (turkey burger in this case) is well done. And for that I blame my sneaky ass dog, who crept behind me and ate my burger bun. I had to chase the little fucker around the backyard so I could snatch his ass up and put him inside the house... which caused me to leave the burger on the grill longer than I would've liked. Enough about that little bastard and hooray for the summer, burgers and beer. Cheers bitches.

Lightning strikes boat and caught on camera - what are the freakin odds?

You don't see this shit everyday

Suzy Kolber has a penis

For the past few years, I've had a theory that ESPN analyst/sideline reporter Suzy Kolber is a big, scary bulldyke with a penis and an Adam's apple. While I haven't found proof that my theory is true, I can't be the only one who believes it. Have you seen those Chevy truck commercials? Last time I saw one, I jump off my couch because I was afraid she was coming to kick my ass.

I'm also convinced she's had work done to help her image a bit.
Take a look at the pic above and the newer one below. Is that even the same person?

Prince Harry likes to party - so?

I'm not quite sure why everyone seems to be making such a big deal about Prince Harry's partying and groping hot chicks. The kid's 22 years old, why can't he enjoy himself like the rest of us? More power to him.

The funniest part of this picture is older brother William, standing behind the girl, completely freakin hammered. I can only imagine what he's trying to say there - "Soo like, I'm going to be a fucking king one day and yew knooow whut? Where the fuck will that get me? Are kings even allowed to declare war on other countries anymore? Can I touch your boobies?"

Sony PS3 vs Nintendo Wii - Mac commercial spoof

I love videogames. I also love whoever put together this video comparing the upcoming Sony Playstation 3 and the Nintendo Wii gaming systems. Much better than the stupid Mac vs PC commercials and 1,000x hotter.

Nicole Richie might die any day now

I don't even know what to say here except WHAT THE FUCK ?

Congrats Miss Teen USA 2006 and thank you Donald Trump

I've come to the conclusion that the Miss Teen USA pageant just about trumps all other beauty contests. Not in a pedophile kind of way either, most of these girls are of legal age.

And speaking of Trump - there's one man responsible for Miss Teen USA, Miss USA and Miss Universe. And that man is of course Donald Trump. The guy loves pussy and isn't afraid to market the hell out of it. What's not to love about that?

So congrats to Miss Montana, Katie Blair (pictured) - who won last night's Miss Teen USA 2006 pageant and is of legal age : )

Video of the crowning available here
An even better video of all 51 girls at a pool party here

Funny Freakin Image of the Day

With my addiction to Flickr, Google images, etc. - it's only right that I begin a Funny Image of the Day portion of my blog. I found this pic today and had to share.

MySpace - is there an age limit?

I've been wondering this ever since I set up a MySpace account last year. How old is too old for MySpace?

Is there an unwritten MySpace rule which says you need to be under __ years old to be a part of the 'community'?
Is it only for single people?

Quite a few of my friends have since jumped onto the MySpace bandwagon, so i don't feel like quite the loser I did when I first started... but if you browse, it's easy to see their target demographic.

So to those reading this, what do you think?
MySpace - only for single youngins or what?

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Here's a start....and chicks making out

Until I determine what the F to write about, here are pics of random girls making out -