Jaime Pressley Abuses Steroids

WTF is up with Jaime Pressley's neck near the end of this video?

College Football Season Kicks Off Today!

What better way to spend a crappy, rainy Saturday than on the couch watching college football all day? Oooh what a beautiful thing. Waking up this morning felt like Christmas morning. I love this time of year.

It all starts with a 10am College Gameday show on ESPN. And with scenery like you see below, it's a lot easier to put up with that crazy old Lee Corso guy.

A Reason to Have Children - Baby Toupees

Sure I recently gave a good reason not to have children, but this website has me doing a 180. Who wouldn't want to drag their 2-year-old kid around the mall with a Donald Trump toupee?

Today's WTF Moment

And We Thought the KKK Didn't Like Colors

Mayor receives threatening letter allegedly from KKK

Bonita, Louisiana Mayor Virgil Penn said he fears for his family's safety after receiving a threatening letter with a Ku Klux Klan signature last week.

The letter, which appeared to be written in crayon, contained only one sentence: ‘‘If you run again for office in the town of Bonita, La., you will '--' KKK.''

‘‘I guess the three blank letters mean I will die,'' said Penn, Bonita's first black mayor. ‘‘To be honest, I'm afraid, not so much for me, but for my family.''

So these morons are writing notes in crayon and they can't spell the word "die"?

If I was Mayor Penn, I wouldn't worry much. Something tells me these retarded hillbillies can't even tie their own shoes.

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Vanilla Ice Jr. Releases First Music Video!

I hate that we (along with every other fucking site) are giving K-Fed so much attention. Even if we grill the retard with each and every post, it's still publicity. But this is too good not to share.

Federline's first ever music video.

And who doesn't love a "10" on the unintentional comedy scale?

Just Another Reason Not To Have Children

Scientists claim a molecule in semen may cause cervical cancer and womb cancer in women.

The U.K's Medical Research Council team found that the exceptionally high levels of prostaglandin fueled tumor growth.

Just one more reason not to have children... or to only "do it in the bad place".

source

Today's Music is Gay

Am I the only one who thinks today's most popular bands are also the most gay?

I finally realized this while watching MTV's VMAs. Actually, I haven't even watched the show yet. I felt compelled to write this while watching My Chemical Romance's pre-show performance, where the log jammer lead singer whines about how his father used to take him to see a marching band in a parade. WTF? It's probably the gayest song I've ever heard.

And what is it with these little pussies and their gay "emo" haircuts, painting their fingernails and expecting us to respect their music? How can I respect you when you're busy taking pictures of your cock and wearing eyeliner?

Music sucks today. It's all so shitty and manufactured, I can't tell any of these bands apart anymore. And it's not just crappy pop/rock music. Hip hop is in the same shitty state.

Today's music needs more true bad asses. Guys who don't give a fuck about their feminine side and their insecurities and just want to rock your fucking head off.

So quit the whining about how your mommy and daddy didn't give you enough attention and how you enjoy parades and start making some kick ass music.

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Candy Spelling Takes a Giant Dump on Daughter Tori

Remember Beverly Hills 90210? I watched the first few episodes because it was new, there was lots of hype surrounding it and I was a dumb kid.

I couldn't watch much after those first few episodes because of Tori Spelling. I hated that bitch. Her character Donna, I hated her too. But that was really because I just hated Tori Spelling. She scared me. Her horsey face and shitty acting didn't seem to fit in. Obviously she was on the show because her father, Aaron Spelling, was the producer.

Well now, in a strange turn of events, I'm feeling sorry for Tori.

You see, Tori is just about broke. Her father was worth $500 million when he died this past June. Four months before his death, he updated his will to leave 95+% of his fortune to his to his wife. And on top of that, Tori likely won't see a dime from her late father's will because her mother hates her.

Her mother Candy is a mean, heartless bitch and is giving Tori none of her father's fortune. Not only that, she just sold her late husband's Beverly Hills mansion for an insane $130 million to an Arab prince. Rumor has it that she's already bought a new house and moved in with her new boyfriend.

And you thought that was a kick in the uterus for Tori? The most shitty part was that Tori had to find out her father died from a friend who heard it on TV! That cold, heartless bitch of a mother didn't even have the decency to tell her daughter that her dad had died.

Look, I don't know what happens to us when we die. But I have a strong gut feeling that Candy Spelling will be tortured in ways most of could never even imagine.

Hang in there Donna Martin. We're on your side this time.

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Girl on Girl Friday!

Ok so I'm 30 minutes early with this one. Like you give a fuck.

Happy Girl on Girl Friday everybody! Have an excellent weekend and thank you all for the love this stupid little site has been receiving lately. And thank you for the emails! We're truly touched. And we mean touched in the most sincere, non-sexual way.

For more Girl on Girl Friday, CooterPunch style - click here