Today's WTF Happened to the Olsen Twins Moment

Click to enlarge... if you enjoy being creeped out

Somebody tell these freaks that Halloween is still a few weeks away. Or is the zombie / goblin look soo in right now and we just weren't informed?

Guess That Celeb

Who is this guy?

Take a guess. Actually, it would be tougher to figure out if he wasn't wearing the Detroit necklace.

Mr. Pam Anderson, Kid Rock is photographed arriving at L.A. hotspot Hyde earlier this week.

You've got to admit he's rockin' the new look pretty well. We'll go out on a limb and say he looks a little better than he has in the past.

Jessica Biel's Onion

This fine piece of art almost looks Photoshopped. What an excellent beer holder that thing would make.

SJ Parker & Angelina Have Old People Hands

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Hot!!

Prince is Officially Lame

StarPulse has a story on Prince, who recently went into a strip club and offered the girls double their nightly rate to put their clothes on and go home, because their gyrations offended his beliefs as a Jehovah's Witness.

The 48-year-old is believed to be a regular at the Xenii night spot, but he told the female performers it was "wrong to dance like that," according to British newspaper The Sun.

The dancers refused Prince's offer, however. A partygoer said, "No one knows why he comes here. He doesn't drink, doesn't like the music, and now doesn't like the dancers."

Prince has officially lost it. Actually, the dude never had it. But he used to be such a bad ass futhermucker.

Library Gets Beer Permit

Here's one way to get people into a library.

The Bicentennial Library in Chattanooga, TN will be holding a fundraiser later this month and serving beer.

Officials said they "will break all the rules by transforming a traditionally serene space into a dynamic nightclub – ClubLib. Complete with a Sports Bar, CyberCafe, Relaxation Lounge and Dance Club, this event will turn the stacks upside down. Attendees can check out fabulous fare and liberal libations, but the only thing silent that evening will be a one-of-a-kind silent auction."

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Happy Girl on Girl Friday!

Hellooo hookers and hookettes!

'tis Friday and if you know anything about how we roll, you know today is Girl on Girl Friday.

We'd like to take this time to thank you all for the mucho love and support. Keep those emails coming! We read all feedback, positive or negative.

... and spread the word that Cooterpunch.com is what's up!

Happy Girl on Girl Friday to you and yours.

Skinny Photoshopped Celebs

Not too far from the real deal !



Thanks for the link CityRag
Rest of pic here

I'm Completely and Totally Speechless

John Travolta, Martin Lawrence, William H. Macy and Tim Allen

I umm... err... I... I. My head is about to explode.

Let's just hope this is a movie.

Actually, let's not.

Gay Bumper Sticker of the Day

I saw this bumper sticker on a truck today.

I'm sure the girls reading this are thinking, "Aww, that's so sweet!"

But um, aren't you supposed to love your wife?

Seriously. Why not just slap on a bumper sticker that reads "I Breathe Oxygen" ?

... or better yet "My Wife Made Me Put This On My Car and I'm a Big F'ing Pussy"

South Park Creators Were on Acid During Oscars

South Park creators Matt Stone and Trey Parker say their bizarre decision to dress in drag and sashay down the red carpet at the 2000 Oscars was made easy - thanks to LSD, according to The NY Post.

"We took acid and tripped," Stone tells the November issue of FHM. "It seemed like the right day - drop acid and get on the red carpet in a dress." But lest anybody think he's a druggie, Stone adds, "I haven't taken acid since then."

Gotta hand it to these guys. After 10 years of living in Hollywood and making a shitload of money, Matt and Trey still give a big F You to just about everyone, not giving 2 shits about what Hollywood thinks.

Image thanks to BWE

Jennifer Aniston Dumped Again, Vince Cold as Ice

This chick must either be a stiff board in bed or a pain in the ass 24/7.

Once again, Jennifer Aniston got dumped. As if it wasn't bad enough when her husband told her "Peace out bitch!" and left for a hotter chick, her fiancé - Vince Vaughn, dumped her ass via telephone last month AND got his $500,000 engagement ring back.

Sing this one with me folks....



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Dry Cooter News - Madonna Adopts

In today's "My Virginia is Dried Up And I Now Need To Adopt" news, 48 year-old Madonna and husband Guy Ritchie try hard to be like Brangelina and just adopted an African baby boy.

Reuters says that Madonna and an entourage arrived in the Malawian capital Lilongwe by private plane early on Wednesday and were quickly whisked away to an undisclosed location in a fleet of cars and trucks.

Government officials said the 48-year-old singer, already a mother of two, chose the one-year-old orphan from among 12 children specially chosen prior to her arrival in the country, which has legions of children orphaned by the AIDS epidemic.

Madonna has said she plans to spend at least $3 million on programs to support orphans in Malawi and another $1 million to fund a documentary about the plight of children in the country.

It was unclear whether Madonna, for whom Malawi waived its ban on non-resident adoptions, would leave the country with her adopted baby or whether they would be reunited at a later date.

Money talks bitches. Tell a president you'll donate $3 million to his poor country and he'll let you have sex with wife in the bad place.

Paris Gets Punched by Former Playmate

It looks like former Blink 182 drummer Travis Barker's soon-to-be-ex-wife finally got her hungover ass out of bed and went to beat down the chick banging her husband.

TMZ has learned that Paris Hilton and Shanna Moakler have both filed police reports early Wednesday morning, alleging each was attacked. Paris says Moakler socked her in the jaw. Moakler claims Paris' ex, Stavros Niarchos, shoved her down some stairs and poured a drink on her.

Paris' publicist told TMZ that his client was at Hyde nightclub Wednesday night and at approximately 1:10 a.m. she says she was approached by Shanna, who allegedly began screaming obscenities at her. Hilton says at that point Moakler struck her in the jaw with a closed fist as she continued to shout profanities. Mintz says Moakler was restrained and several people helped Paris exit Hyde. Mintz says Hilton never touched Moakler.

Hilton and her publicist then went to the LAPD's Hollywood Division where she filed a police report, alleging battery.

Moakler also went to the station to file a report against Stavros Niarchos.

We couldn't write a better script than this. Two hot chicks fighting over a 120 lb. tatooed dude with a lip ring, 2 kids and a mohawk. Throw in a punch to a spoiled bitch's jaw, an ex-Playmate getting thrown down some stairs by a Greek giant and you've got yourself a Grade A, pay-per-view event.

Look Who's Moving to the U.S. -?-

Former international soccer star David Beckham currently has a David Beckham Soccer Academy in Los Angeles.

However, it's been reported that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have personally asked Beckham for one-on-one lessons for their son Maddox.

It would only make sense for the Beckhams, who although are considered unofficial British royalty, to move stateside and get into the Hollywood / celeb scene. Beckham's marketability is huge and I'm sure whatever he decides to get into here in the U.S. (clothing line, fragrances, books, etc.) will be a huge success. Hopefully Victoria the Fembot and her perky boobies make their way to our left coast soon!

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That's Not Mine Officer, I Stole It !

In today's "Oops I'm a Dumbass" news - a pretty smart Iowa teen was busted with 2 lbs. of marijuana. When confronted by police, the dude told the cops the weed wasn't his and that he stole it. So instead of being arrested for possession, this retard is now looking at possession and theft. Brilliant!

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Village People Meets Night of the Living Dead

2 gays (Russell Simmons and Big Gay Al) and a big scary zombie (Star Jones) celebrate Simmons' 49th birthday party last night in Miami.

Scarlett Johansson - Nose Jobs Rock!

Big ups to Scarlett Johansson's cosmetic surgeon for helping Scarlett win Esquire's "Sexiest Woman of the Year" award!

Thanks StarFruit Gossip and I'mNotObsessed for the pic

Funniest Celeb / Dog Combo Award Goes To...

TMZ posted this picture of our boy Jorge Garcia, who plays Hurley on Lost, with his little rat-dog. Let's hope, for the rat's sake, Jorge doesn't step on the little bastard in the middle of the night while lumbering downstairs to the kitchen for a 3am fried chicken & Twinkie binge.

Carrie Underworld Helps Illiterate Hillbillies

American Idol winner and country music superstar Carrie Underwood is joining an Oklahoma literacy campaign called "Read Ya'll". Seriously. It's called "Read Ya'll".

And people wonder where stereotypes come from. At least Carrie didn't come up with the name. But if she did, it wouldn't matter because she's damn hot. She could be as dumb as a blind sloth and we wouldn't care.

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Lil' Kim is a Feline

It's kind of hard to imagine Lil' Kim used to look like this (below) and now looks like a plastic cat. And to see what Kim will look like in 5-10 years, click here and scroll down. (warning, you might throw up a little)

Lay off the surgeries bitch!

Katie the Giant or Tom the Midget?

We've seen this recent picture of Creepy Tom Cruise and Hostage Katie Holmes floating around the internet for a week or so now and figured it had to be posted here. It's just too weird to ignore anymore.

What a cute couple!

Today's WTF Picture Moment

Maybe this one should be titled "Washed Up and Waxed"

Matthew McConaughey and Darwinism

BWE posted this picture, showing what former "Sexiest Man Alive" Matthew McConaughey will look like in a few years, thanks to the theory of evolution. Looks about right.

By the way, the NY Post's Page Six reports that McConaughey has been sporting the headband lately to cover up his latest hair plug implants. The second time he's had them done. Nice.

George Michael is a Freakin Mess

Back in the late 80's, I thought George Michael was the man. I was younger back then and really had no idea he was gay. And while I now know that he is gay, I still stand by the fact George Michael is the shit. Great songs and great music videos (the dude had supermodels getting nakie in his "Freeom '90" video) make him a hall of famer in our book.

He's been in the news during the past year for doing things like falling asleep in his car after giving himself the date rape drug (GHB), crashing into parked cars and busted in a public park late at night while looking for random gay sex.

But recently he's kicked off a world tour which began last week in a sold out Barcelona stadium. His first tour in 15 years. With his career appearing to be back on track, it seems he might have fucked it all up again.

In London early this morning, George Michael was arrested on suspicion of possessing marijuana after police found him slumped over the steering wheel of his car.

Michael was arrested after police responded to complaints that a car was blocking an intersection in North London at 3:22 a.m. Sunday. He received a caution for possession of cannabis and was released on bail on a charge of being unfit to drive. He has a November court date.

This dude has millions of dollars, can probably pull just about any tail he wants (guy or girl) and yet does dumb shit like getting all retarded and trying to drive. What's wrong with staying in your house and doing whatever the hell you want? Ease up George. Your title run as CooterPunch's "Coolest Gay Dude on the Planet" could suddenly come to an end!

news article

Rough Day at Work

Below is from the PalmBeachPost.com police blotter -

An employee at a fast food restaurant said that a man and a woman were in the backseat of a black Oldsmobile that was driven by another man and they ordered food. The employee said the man and woman were having sex.

The employee told the driver to pull to the front of the business because of a mistake in the order. The employee stepped out of the business and handed a bag to the woman. The woman then said that he touched her breast. The naked man exited the car and attacked the employee. The employee tried to run into the business, but the man followed him and punched him in the eye.

The man was lying on the ground with his body half inside and half outside, causing the door of the business to be open. The man stood up, went into the business and stumbled several times as he walked toward the bathroom. The officer made contact with the man who smelled like alcohol and had slurred speech. The man was arrested.

And you thought your job sucked. It's bad enough having to work a fast food drive-thru window, but when you get the beat down by some naked dude, you might want to look into other career opportunities.

Daughter Busts Abusive Mom With Camera Phone

What do you do when your mother sits on you?

For one Florida teenager, the answer came easily: Pull out your cell phone and call for help. And while you're at it, snap a photo.

Early Friday, just before 2 a.m., Tiffanie Haynes, 18, and her mother, Theodosia Haynes, 37, were deep in a shouting match.

According to the Hernando County Sheriff's Office, Tiffanie didn't like that her mother was intruding into her personal business.

The shouting escalated.

Theodosia followed her daughter into her bedroom and pinned Tiffanie on the bed by sitting on top of her.

Somehow, Tiffanie managed to get out her cell phone and call 911. Then she snapped a few photos on her phone to document what her mother was doing.

She shared them with Deputy Michael Stegner when he arrived.

Theodosia was arrested and charged with misdemeanor domestic battery. For her part, she told the deputy that she was just restraining her daughter so that the fight wouldn't get worse.

We don't know if sitting on your kid is child abuse or domestic battery, but it's pretty fucking weird. Who sits on their kids?

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