Happy NFL Kickoff Sunday Bitches!

With all the celeb pics and news, some of you probably thought the CooterPunch crew were flaming homosexuals. So I guess we should come clean. We are gay. We're completely gay for NFL football. And today is our national holiday!! The season officially kicks off today at 1pm. We say officially because the first game was technically Thursday night, but that shit didn't count. TODAY is our day. We'll be balls deep in buffalo wings, oysters and beer from 1pm until we can't see straight. Have a great Sunday hookers and hookettes, see ya soon.

Another Jessica Simpson Being Hot Moment

Pardon us for our recent Jessica Simpson orgy, but she's been appearing on just about every talk show lately so I feel inclined to include as many pictures as I can from those appearances.

For now, a shot of Jessica showing off her intimate things on The View.

One of the Funniest Movies You Will Ever See

F Snakes on a Plane. Screw Pirates of the Caribbean. Ricky Bobby can eat it. The movie you NEED to see is Borat, coming out this November. Actually, the full title is Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan.


The film stars Sacha Baron Cohen (above, also known as Ali G). And just to give some quick props to this guy, he's dating the "Stage 5 Clinger Virgin" from Wedding Crashers, the smoking hot Isla Fisher.

Since words can't begin to explain the awesomeness of this movie, view the 2 trailers below to see for yourself. More info on Borat here.

Today's Creepy News - Man Selling MLB Player's Wife's Dress

This is just strange.

The photo you see here was actually edited on MLB.com (his wife was taken out of the picture). But somehow, a fan stalker got a hold of this dress and is selling it on Ebay.

From the auction page -

"This auction is for the Famous Brown Dress worn by Melissa Lima while her husband, Jose, sang the National Anthem before a Los Angeles Dodgers baseball game. This auction also includes the 8X10 glossy color photograph of Melissa, Jose and Jose, Jr. shown below. If requested, prior to shipping, Melissa will personalize an autograph on the photo.

This photograph of Melissa in the dress drew world wide attention and the photograph was later cropped to take Melissa Lima out of the picture. To say the least, there was considerable controversy regarding both the photograph and the dress.

This dress is a size medium and 100 percent cotton. It measures 38" long from the top of the shoulder straps to the bottom of the dress. It is 13" across at the bust. Obviously, there is considerable stretch and give in this material. The Maker / Designer is "Velvet".

This dress & photograph would look great in a game room or sports bar. It would most definitely be a conversation piece for years to come. Melissa has been voted the hottest MLB baseball wife on honest-opinions.com."

Great in a game room or sports bar? Who the fuck hangs up a dress in their game room? The only thing I'd do with that dress is run a black light over it.

Happy Girl on Girl Friday!

It's Friday! And you know what that means.

A big thanks to everyone for making this site such a mini-success already. And thanks even more for the emails. We love feedback! Positive or negative, we'll take it all. Have an excellent weekend peoples.

P.S. - if you're looking for last week's girl on girl Friday post, click here

Coolest Photo You'll See Today

This really has nothing to do with anything, but someone on a forum I occasionally visit, took this beautiful shot of the moon. Sure it's a bit over-saturated, giving it an almost "fake" effect, but it's 100% real.

Full 1600 x 1200 desktop sized version available here

Jessica Simpson Looks (and sounds) Hot on Leno

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Here's Jessica Thursday night on Leno, looking damn good. And because of her recent voice issues, she even sounded kind of hot. Hey, miracles do happen people.

And while we may not like the girl, we never said she wouldn't get it... twice!

EDIT - 2nd pic added

Who Had The Shittiest Day - Paris or Lindsay?

This is a bit ironic, considering the two are rumored to hate each other's guts.

On the same day that Paris Hilton was arrested for a DUI, Lindsay Lohan was robbed today at London's Heathrow airport.

Returning from her recent trip to Venice, Lohan's Hermes Birkin bag, containing her asthma medication and a "quantity of jewelry," was stolen.

Lindsay's publicist, Leslie Sloane-Zelnick, says, "Lindsay is begging for the return of the items," Sloane says. "She doesn't care how she gets them back, she just wants her stuff back."

A source close to the theft indicates Lohan's stolen valuables may be worth over $1 million.

Lindsay had her purse stolen (well, she left it somewhere) a few years ago and somebody found a small bag of coke inside. It's alleged she paid the person a few thousand dollars to return it and to never talk about the incident. I wonder what was in this Hermes bag. Today is definitely a shitty day to be a rich, spoiled, bitch of a celeb.

NFL on NBC - Pink has a Penis

We've now gone on record as saying 2 "women" have penises.
The only thing we're not sure of is whose got the biggest? Suzy or Pink? Watch the video below of NBC's NFL opening night and you decide!

- Throw a punch.
CHECK

- Flex your bicep.
CHECK

- Snarl your upper lip, Billy Idol style.
CHECK

A Drunken Scarlett Johansson Breaks into Someone's Place

Scarlett Johansson was mortified after she mistakenly broke into her neighbor's apartment after coming home drunk and going to the wrong door. The star came home after a big night on the town and charged into an apartment thinking that it was her own.

She explains, "I was coming home, it was very late, mind you, it was like four in the morning. Maybe I'd had like one too many champagne cocktails, or whatever... But I got home, of course I wasn't driving, and I opened my door and it wasn't my kitchen! It was somebody else's kitchen and I left and I realized my key opens up somebody else's door in my building. It like slides right in and opens it up!

I sure wouldn't mind if she broke into my place. I might even let her hang out and stuff ; )


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